I expected tears and heartache
Amidst the despair of my grief.
But I wasn’t even remotely prepared
For the utter disbelief.
I can’t wrap my mind around it;
The fact that you are gone.
You were just here in our home,
It hasn’t been that long.
And I can’t believe I won’t hear your laughter.
Can’t believe I’ve lost your embrace.
Can’t stand to think I’ll never see
Another loving smile on your handsome face.
I keep thinking, if I wait a moment
That you’ll walk through the door.
And when that doesn’t happen,
Maybe I’ll just wait a moment more…
But the moments are adding up
And you’re still not here
As I sit here, feeling confused,
Drowning in my tears.
And I’m trying to figure out how I’ll wake up tomorrow,
And the next day, and next day, and the day after that.
How am I supposed to carry on
Without my loving Dad?
I know I can.
I know I will.
It’s just getting harder to accept
As I sort through a house of memories;
A lifetime of things you’ve kept.
Ties you wore once, all in mom’s favorite color.
Guitars you taught yourself how to play.
Your handprints are all over our home;
All over my heart, in a way.
So yes, it’s hard to believe I won’t see you again
When I feel you so very near.
So hard to believe you can’t come back to us
When we swear it’s your voice that we hear
Beckoning us to have a good night
As your door quietly shuts cross the hall.
So hard to believe it’s not your footsteps
we hear moving downstairs at all.
So difficult to grasp it’s not your love
That warms the house at night.
So insane to imagine it’s you in your room
Casting that eerie light
That seeps under the door
When there is no other source to found.
Insane, yes, but comforting to think
That maybe, you’re still around.
Not in a way we can see or can touch
But in a way we can feel with our hearts.
And it’s suddenly easy to believe, though your gone,
That we’ll never really be apart.
I miss you Daddy, with everything I have,
Everything I am and will be.
Thank you for being an extraordinary man.
And thank you for loving me.
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