I belong to an exclusive club with the worst initiation ritual in the history of the world; someone you love and care for intensely must die.
It is not a very private club. Most people who know you will be aware that you are a member. And, because of the especially heinous initiation, they will try to comfort you.
But the most comfort you receive will most likely be given by your fellow members because only they truly understand.
Only they will get that your loved one is not “in a better place” because the best place for them was with you and if given the choice, that is where they would still be: WITH you. LOVING you.
Only they will understand that – although your loved one may be at peace now – you are not.
The club’s secret handshake isn’t all that secret…it’s just a long, tight embrace full of understanding and compassion.
Meetings are held sporadically, most often between two members who have just realized they are part of the same club.
I just held a meeting with a coworker at my desk this morning where we shared our sad tales and commiserated with one another.
But my favorite thing to do with members? Ask them to tell me about the ones they’ve lost.
I can’t help but smile as their eyes light up with memories of happier times.
What was your favorite thing about them?
Sometimes, it’s their laugh. Or their chocolate chip cookies. Or their hugs.
Do you have a favorite memory?
Yes – one time, when I was little, he shared a candy bar with me. It was such a simple moment, but it resonated with me for some reason.
I try to focus on the positives; the moments of happiness, or the things that made the person so special.
You can’t make it hurt less that they’re gone…but you can make it so much sweeter that they lived.
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