Round and round
Up and down
Twists and Turns
On a ride that I want to get off of
With no end in sight.
And that’s a good thing,
Because the end to the ride is the
End of all things.
And people tell me I’m strong.
I’m brave.
I’m amazing.
But I’m a sham.
I am none of these things.
I’m frightened and worried and stressed
And my mind and body and soul are giving in.
My eyes are wet.
My chest is tight.
My stomach is sick.
My days are 24 hours of
Exhausted restlessness.
And I’m not alone,
But it feels like I am
And no matter how much love and support I get
I can’t shake this feeling
Of absolute solitude.
The only thing I know is that
I am not alone in feeling the solitude
Because he feels it too.
Surrounded by strangers
Alone without me-
The one person he needs.
The one person who can’t do anything
To make it right
Except maybe just make him feel
A little less alone.
A little less crazy.
I am all he has now
And he doesn’t have me.
And I don’t know if it’s harder
When he’s here
With me
Or there without me.
And I’m not a religious person
But I pray now.
I pray for healing.
I pray for quality.
I pray for peace.
For both of us.
Not an end to life.
Not an end to love.
But an end to the suffering
We’ve had to endure together.
So you see, I am not strong.
I am not brave.
And I am anything but amazing.
I’m just a girl in a woman’s body
Who loves and needs her Daddy.
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